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My first foray into Sylvia Plath! I've heard good things about The Bell Jar (though I never particularly felt the desire to read it myself), so when I saw her name at the library and that pretty red and blue cover I thought I'd try this story out.

And I'm grateful I did! It was a great story, and wonderfully concise especially after the behemoth that was Anna Karenina. Mary Ventura and the Ninth Kingdom perfectly builds characters, creates an atmosphere, and conveys a plot all in the span of 40 pages.

Train stories are always a pleasure, and this one builds the vibe of it so well, even if in this case the train isn't just a setting but also an essential and core element of the story. The whole story reads like a dream, very surreal and absurd but no less gripping for it.

Initially I thought the ninth kingdom was a metaphor for death in general. But as I continued reading and neared the ending the picture that formed in my head was that the train and its ticket were suicide, that all of its passengers had killed themselves; and that the ninth kingdom was hell. The world that Mary emerges into at the end isn't the living world but rather heaven, or just another more ideal plane of existence, having successfully escaped the damnation of hell.

The train could also be, inversely, life. Considering it's Mary's parents who set her on the trip to the ninth kingdom to begin with, one could say it's more about deciding your own path in life... that instead of going to someone else's desired destination, Mary chooses for herself to escape, and she comes out of it on the other side happier.

Of course the book is very much up to interpretation though. It trusts its reader to make something out of it, which is something I enjoy. The writing style is lovely, so descriptive and atmospheric. The part leading up to Mary's escape, and her back-and-forth with the old lady, was very tense and well-written. Fast-paced as it is, it feels well built up to and appropriately exciting.

I do wish it was a bit more in-depth. If it had 10 or so more pages, I would've loved to read what Plath could've cooked up, perhaps more details that would lend itself to the picture in her head. Because while I did compliment its vagueness and how open to interpretation it was, I would have appreciated just a little more to chew on.

Regardless, what a brilliant story that gets an 8.5/10 from me.

I finished Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy today. What a ride... it feels strange to finally put a rest to the novel I've been painstakingly working through since March. I have a lot of thoughts.

Spoilers for the entire novel!

Firstly, Anna and Vronsky; I don't care too much for them as a couple, to be honest. Or to be more accurate I never really saw them as a happy couple or ever rooted for them to be happily together. I really like Anna as her own character, Vronsky not so much, but together as lovers I struggle to see their chemistry and I never really delighted in their moments together. The fact that they love each other feels more told than it is shown. I have no idea whether this was the intention or not.

This in contrast to Kitty and Levin, who I liked very much. I think they're very sweet together. I love Kitty and how cheerful and enthusiastic she is. I especially enjoyed the middle chapters about her youth pre-marriage to Levin, she is just such a likeable character to follow and even from the beginning I felt very fond of her. I like Levin as well, partially maybe because I relate so much to him... I like that he's socially awkward, that he gets jealous easily, that he can at once be very knowledgeable but also clueless. I have to admit whenever the POV switched to Kitty or Levin, I internally cheered.


I loved the scene where Levin visits his brother Nicholas as he dies, as morbid as it sounds. I like how much it shows off Kitty's strength, that she is the level-headed and active one in comparison to Levin. And I find it deeply relatable how Levin was always, of course, on some level aware of the concept of death, but it is through this death of someone close to him that he suddenly becomes truly awakened to what it is and that it exists.

That's not to say I didn't enjoy the Anna/Vronsky bits at all. All I wish is that I felt a little something more for them. But I still liked reading their chapters, especially toward the end as their relationship crumbled apart. (It's during these later chapters that I dislike Vronsky more and more, even if I do get that's the point).

One part that will especially stick with me is the scene where Anna is going to the station and she looks at the world around her and can only regard it with hate. When all the pain she's suffered has clouded her vision and she can no longer see any good in anything. Even where you might expect it, she finds a way to twist it into something ugly. It feels so human and real. And the last moment before her suicide where she sees the joy in the world once more, but it still doesn't stop her from killing herself, really strikes me. Again at the risk of sounding morbid, what an amazingly written death scene.

This book came with notes, ones that compared Levin and Vronsky, no doubt because they're both the "males" of the two main couples. But in my opinion, it feels more appropriate to compare Anna and Levin. Because they are the two main protagonists who we spend the most time with, yes, but also because the paralleling arcs feel to me centred around their inner world. Anna's search for passionate love, which ends in tragedy, against Levin's simple way of living and the hopeful note it ends on despite his numerous existential crises (though perhaps it would be more accurate to say this book is one singular long existential crisis for Levin). Regardless of whether it's luck or fate, Levin finds an answer to the question he asks, even if it's not an absolute one. Anna does not, or maybe she does but she cannot bring herself to live with it.

And I know some people say that Levin is the true protagonist, but I don't think that's true either... he seems more in-depth because he was in part Tolstoy's self-insert and thus a lot of his thoughts are the author's own, but I think they complete each other, much the way their stories do. Without one, the other one's symbolic autobiography is incomplete.

Other characters and aspects I liked were Dolly and Karenin. I thoroughly enjoyed Dolly's perspective whenever it switched to her, especially her views on motherhood and her own war with herself, admiring Anna for acting on her heart's desires, something Dolly could not do. I think it's a really realistic depiction of these two noblewomen stuck in an oppressive society. Karenin's chapters were sometimes more boring I admit, but I do enjoy that Tolstoy also made him a sympathetic character. The tone of his narrative was robotic and unfeeling and it really fit Karenin's own personality.

When it comes to writing style, I like how realistic it feels. This may just be the general state of Russian literature at the time, but it feels distinct from Dostoevsky... I can't put my finger on it, but it's there. It tells us through excruciating detail every single feeling and thought a character has. It makes you feel like you know the characters so intimately. Of course this does result in lots of meandering, chapters upon chapters focused on just one happening, and I don't blame anyone who may find it a bit of a slog (I too got a bit frustrated in the less interesting chapters), but in the end I think it's mostly a plus of the novel. They feel like real people that could have existed.

Related to that, I do have mixed feelings on how absurdly long this book is. As I've seen many people point out, I feel like this book could convey much the same message and characters while being 200 pages shorter. This is my main gripe with the book, that there are many chapters that feel too boring, superfluous even. But also, I don't know that I would feel as deeply about it in the end if it lacked pages upon pages of detail and character study and thought. So while I do wish it was easier to read and more concise with what it was trying to say, I also can't say concretely "Man, Tolstoy should've written this way shorter". It probably wouldn't be Tolstoy in that case xd.

I feel that there's a lot in this book that I missed largely because I'm totally ignorant when it comes to Russian history and politics, which is a shame and probably contributed to me not being entertained as I could have been. I also think I would understand it better and be able to pick up on more of its intended themes if I reread it. But 800 pages... if I ever end up giving it a second read, it'll be a long time from now.

Overall, I liked it. It was a good read, especially toward the end when everything started to come together. I devoured the last 300 pages in less than a week! If you can get past its intimidating length and the fact that it's very much a product of its time with its commentary on Russian society and philosophy, I would recommend it. A solid 7.5/10!

There are academic strikes today so class has been cancelled. I'm getting a video of a lecture instead, which is in some ways worse. But at least I can lounge around at home for just a day later, which is what I'm best at.

I missed some work that I was supposed to submit a few days ago (oops) and I have to drill it into myself that it won't happen again. I have a presentation due tomorrow but the work seems really simple so far and I'm already halfway done with my part, so it shouldn't be any stress. I also need to work on readings for Law, but that's a problem for future me.

Once I'm done with this work I'm going to make Buldak and continue reading Anna Karenina. I'm on page 590-ish so I hope to be done by the end of the year. I have a lot of thoughts on it, so I'm thinking I might write a review of it as well on here; I could do it on Storygraph as well but I like that this journal is more personal and it's way easier to keep track of my own thoughts.

If I can resist the urge to play Minecraft some more, which I doubt, I might continue writing the Reynazel fic or get started on the Frank/Nico one-shot. If I don't... well.

for 10trueloves
Character claim: Frank Zhang (Heroes of Olympus)
Progress: 1/10

Suffering from writers' block recently and I want an excuse to write more Frank rarepairs, so hopefully doing something fun like this will help me feel less wonky.

01.	Heartbeat.	02.	Music.	03.	Memory.	04.	Food.	05	Insomnia.
06.	Afterglow.	07.	Holiday.	08.	Moonlight.	09.	Rainbow.	10.	Playful.

made this mostly to keep track of fandom events and such. might post more if i like the feel of it :) yay