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valzhangI don't know how to describe how I feel about this book to be honest. My thoughts on it are contradictory; I feel in some way it was lackluster, yet at the same time I can also say that it was everything it needed to be. It wasn't exactly fun or exciting to read, with a somber atmosphere, but at the same time it kept me hooked and I devoured it in a day.
Despite it all, the one thing I can say is that I did really like it. Maybe the complexity is part of the appeal.
One thing that this book does really really well is setting up the suffocating atmosphere and environment. The religion that surrounds our protagonist Jeanette is her entire world and the writing conveys that so well to the point it's almost chilling. I like how absolutely zealous she is, especially from childhood! It paints the picture of what a perfect to-be missionary she was, which of course sets the stage to be juxtaposed by her sexuality and the aspects of her that cannot be reconciled with the church.
It's great how much it showed how her life revolved around religion, but while it suffocated me, Jeanette is happy with it because it's all she's ever known. I loved reading about her religious passion. A+.
I did think this novel was going to be more of a love story than it really was. I thought there would be one girl that Jeanette would leave the church for and that they would have a more prominent romance, but that really wasn't the central focus of the plot. Instead this is very much a mom-daughter book, it's all about that toxic connection between them. It's so interesting and terrible! Jeanette relies on her mother so much and only ever wanted what her mother wanted.
Meanwhile her mother was always toxic since the beginning. A lot of motherhood stories have a tinge of sympathy in them because the mother is only doing what she thinks is best for her child—this is not one of those stories, or rather it is but her mother's worldview and ideals are so twisted and far away from mine that I can't process it that way. We don't really get that much insight into the mother's inner workings. We only see what Jeanette sees. I love that. It really puts you into the shoes of a daughter who cannot truly understand her mother because of the inherent distance between them, especially toward the end.
Now I will say I wish the romance(s) had been a little more developed. Like I said it's not the main focus so it isn't that big of a deal, but to be honest I didn't even know Melanie and Jeanette had gotten together until they kissed. Maybe I'm stupid. It just felt a little too subtle for a book centring all around sexuality. I don't need much more, but just a few more interactions between them, I really would've liked. And it would've made the souring of their relationship later hit a lot harder.
The writing style and prose were nice but didn't totally stun me, the book's strengths lie in other aspects... I really did like the section where Jeanette's story was told through a fairytale/parable though. It gets very creative with the storytelling sometimes.
The ending, or rather the entire last half after her sexuality is revealed, is super sickening. The torture she went through really make you feel for her! A part that really resonated with me is when they blamed her sexuality on her job as a preacher giving sermons, something she was good at because of her devotion to God and the church. The way it perfectly showcases the limitations of her sex and how people will twist even her most devout services into something evil the second she shows any kind of disobedience. Guh. I like how the ultimate tragedy of the story is that the world would not let her love for God and her love for women coexist.
I kept wanting her to cut ties with everything and just live freely, get a nice girlfriend, be happy. But well I knew deep down that was not happening. The fact that she sticks by her mother's side (or rather, her mother sticks to her side) until the very end, what a gut-punch!!! Tying a string around one of her buttons so she can pull Jeanette back to her any time... oh my god. Awesomesauce.
Okay now that I'm writing this I can't really think about anything I super disliked about this novel which is strange. I just feel like there's something missing to make me crazy about it. Or maybe a bunch of tiny things like the aforementioned lack of development in the romance or the just-okay writing style. Maybe a bit more equality between exploration of her sexuality and identity, and the activities of her religion? There were many passages where it was just church activities and while I liked those parts maybe I would've appreciated more balance too.
It's hard. I can't really point out what more I want, but I do... want more. Yeah, there's a certain je ne sais quoi there that it needs.
But overall, still an amazing book, honestly! I didn't even realise how much I loved it until now when I'm writing this but I feel like I could talk about it for hours. It's not a broadly relatable book for all lesbians, I myself wasn't raised very religious, but there are certainly aspects that I could see myself in. While I could relate in some ways, in other ways I also felt lucky to be able to get this personal window into Winterson's childhood and experience that I could not really relate to but sympathized with all the same.
I understand why it's considered such a classic among queers. I'm seriously bad at this rating thing and consistency, but 9/10 perhaps.
Despite it all, the one thing I can say is that I did really like it. Maybe the complexity is part of the appeal.
One thing that this book does really really well is setting up the suffocating atmosphere and environment. The religion that surrounds our protagonist Jeanette is her entire world and the writing conveys that so well to the point it's almost chilling. I like how absolutely zealous she is, especially from childhood! It paints the picture of what a perfect to-be missionary she was, which of course sets the stage to be juxtaposed by her sexuality and the aspects of her that cannot be reconciled with the church.
It's great how much it showed how her life revolved around religion, but while it suffocated me, Jeanette is happy with it because it's all she's ever known. I loved reading about her religious passion. A+.
"No, yes, I mean of course I love her."
"I will read you the words of St Paul," announced the pastor, and he did, and many more words besides about unnatural passions and the mark of the demon.
"To the pure all things are pure," I yelled at him. "It's you not us."
"I will read you the words of St Paul," announced the pastor, and he did, and many more words besides about unnatural passions and the mark of the demon.
"To the pure all things are pure," I yelled at him. "It's you not us."
I did think this novel was going to be more of a love story than it really was. I thought there would be one girl that Jeanette would leave the church for and that they would have a more prominent romance, but that really wasn't the central focus of the plot. Instead this is very much a mom-daughter book, it's all about that toxic connection between them. It's so interesting and terrible! Jeanette relies on her mother so much and only ever wanted what her mother wanted.
Meanwhile her mother was always toxic since the beginning. A lot of motherhood stories have a tinge of sympathy in them because the mother is only doing what she thinks is best for her child—this is not one of those stories, or rather it is but her mother's worldview and ideals are so twisted and far away from mine that I can't process it that way. We don't really get that much insight into the mother's inner workings. We only see what Jeanette sees. I love that. It really puts you into the shoes of a daughter who cannot truly understand her mother because of the inherent distance between them, especially toward the end.
Now I will say I wish the romance(s) had been a little more developed. Like I said it's not the main focus so it isn't that big of a deal, but to be honest I didn't even know Melanie and Jeanette had gotten together until they kissed. Maybe I'm stupid. It just felt a little too subtle for a book centring all around sexuality. I don't need much more, but just a few more interactions between them, I really would've liked. And it would've made the souring of their relationship later hit a lot harder.
The writing style and prose were nice but didn't totally stun me, the book's strengths lie in other aspects... I really did like the section where Jeanette's story was told through a fairytale/parable though. It gets very creative with the storytelling sometimes.
We were quiet, and I traced the outline of her marvellous bones and the triangle of muscle in her stomach. What is it about intimacy that makes it so very disturbing?
The ending, or rather the entire last half after her sexuality is revealed, is super sickening. The torture she went through really make you feel for her! A part that really resonated with me is when they blamed her sexuality on her job as a preacher giving sermons, something she was good at because of her devotion to God and the church. The way it perfectly showcases the limitations of her sex and how people will twist even her most devout services into something evil the second she shows any kind of disobedience. Guh. I like how the ultimate tragedy of the story is that the world would not let her love for God and her love for women coexist.
I kept wanting her to cut ties with everything and just live freely, get a nice girlfriend, be happy. But well I knew deep down that was not happening. The fact that she sticks by her mother's side (or rather, her mother sticks to her side) until the very end, what a gut-punch!!! Tying a string around one of her buttons so she can pull Jeanette back to her any time... oh my god. Awesomesauce.
Okay now that I'm writing this I can't really think about anything I super disliked about this novel which is strange. I just feel like there's something missing to make me crazy about it. Or maybe a bunch of tiny things like the aforementioned lack of development in the romance or the just-okay writing style. Maybe a bit more equality between exploration of her sexuality and identity, and the activities of her religion? There were many passages where it was just church activities and while I liked those parts maybe I would've appreciated more balance too.
It's hard. I can't really point out what more I want, but I do... want more. Yeah, there's a certain je ne sais quoi there that it needs.
But overall, still an amazing book, honestly! I didn't even realise how much I loved it until now when I'm writing this but I feel like I could talk about it for hours. It's not a broadly relatable book for all lesbians, I myself wasn't raised very religious, but there are certainly aspects that I could see myself in. While I could relate in some ways, in other ways I also felt lucky to be able to get this personal window into Winterson's childhood and experience that I could not really relate to but sympathized with all the same.
I understand why it's considered such a classic among queers. I'm seriously bad at this rating thing and consistency, but 9/10 perhaps.
But where was God now, with heaven full of astronauts, and the Lord overthrown? I miss God. I miss the company of someone utterly loyal. I still don't think of God as my betrayer. The servants of God, yes, but servants by their very nature betray. I miss God who was my friend.